physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
