I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
