There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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