don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
