I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
