Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
