so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
