Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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