physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
