I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
