a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
