Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
