No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
