Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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