The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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