Moan for me like Helen Keller
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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