Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize