your room smells of hookers.
And success
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
