I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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