I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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