just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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