my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
