if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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