someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Even my vagina gasped.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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