You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
