There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
