so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Dear god my vagina.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
