and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
