you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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