Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
