those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize