I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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