She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
