yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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