I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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