Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
