there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
