Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
