There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
