I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
