Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
