i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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