Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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