She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Holy sore nipples Batman
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
