I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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