Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
