My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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