Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
