I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
