and next time when you feel me up, do it right
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
