New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
