Heybabeimwearingurpanties
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
