I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
