I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
