morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
