dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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