Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
is wine microwaveable?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
