Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
