White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
