I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
