My friends, they love my intelligence
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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