Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
What a dumb baby whore.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
