Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize