You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
where are you?
Hypothermia
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
