the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
