why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
