I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
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