Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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