upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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