How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
