hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You left your phone here
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