Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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