I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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