So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
