I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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